trouble with my song

  "Your decrees are the theme of my song during earthly life." Psalm 119:54

We all have a song we sing. I once heard a sermon on how we sing daily to God, not literally but in our actions and the attitudes of our hearts. I for one love to sing, even when I don't know the words. I sang in Haiti when I had no clue what the words were or how to say them. I would love to say my song has a praise theme. That I am daily pleasing to the Lord with my song. But a lot of times my song is filled with rambling of earthly woes and complaints of people He has yet to smite for me. Most days my song is a lot like this....I apologize for my singing.

           (He really does like to sing. His usual part is singing "mine" and "shine" and being cute!)
Today as I wrestled with little boys to eat their veggies, wash their hands, and climbing on the table I really wanted to sing a "woe is me" song. Surely the God who made the sea stop at land could make a one year old stop using his fork as a catapult for his peas. But then instead He stopped me and reminded me of all He has done. He did tell the sea to stop at the land and it listened. His Son's death on the cross did satisfy His wrath against my sins. Thats when I chose a new song to sing. A song of praise and awe of the God who loves me even when I forget the lyrics to His praise song. What song do you sing each day? Is it a song out of key and out of touch with the God you are singing it to? Or are the lyrics the cry of your overflowing heart?

"Jesus worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us,Son of God and man
You are high and lifted up; and the world will praise Your Great Name"

 "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will
  see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." -Psalm 40:3

[9.11.2001]

It's hard to imagine as an 8th grader how the horrors I was watching on tv was going to change my life. It was the first act of evil I had experienced. Being so young, I could not wrap my mind around how this act that put so many other plans into play...
I was in 2nd period when the first plane hit. My teacher turned on the news and we watched with great concern for what was happening. As I settled into 3rd period I watched in terror as I saw the plane collide with the second tower. Screams and gasps filled the halls of my junior high and I watched as they adults faces took on a mask of terror.
Then the first tower fell....then the second, filling the air with dust and copy paper. I remember seeing men in suits covered in white dust running and weeping. I remember being so confused.
At home we watched the news. I remember hearing President Bush address the nation. Hearing grief in his voice and seeing stress in his eyes. Goosebumps covered my entire body as I realized something even bigger would follow.
While I was an 8th grader confused and covered in goosebumps, a fresh out of boot camp senior was realizing his decision to join the Army has taken on a new look. He heard the news while eating lunch. That senior was my husband. That day changed his army experience from drills and light duty to life in combat and a year in Iraq. That day changed the direction his life took, the career he would choose, and his relationship with Christ. In turn it molded him into the man i'm in love with today.
It's hard to believe it's been 11 years. With so many questions unanswered about why, God is the same yesterday , today and forever. In him we find our peace and lose our fear!

bank balance blessings

    If you don't know Bobby and I very well let me just tell you now we are far from being considered weathly. We do not have all we want but we have what we need in surplus and then some. We are also believers in doing what you love and not doing something for the money. We stay a lot happier that way. In our short time being married we have had times when the money was just not coming in like it we had hoped. We have had times where we had to skip on some things to make sure bills were being paid. This is in no way a complaint. I think it is these times that builds our relationship with each other and God. We actually haven't suffered from not eating at Wendys a couple of times and cooking instead, or not going to see a movie. Crazy right? It was in those times when God revealed Himself to us the most. When He not only provided but showed off a little in the process.
     I was taught at a young age about tithing. How we are to give God a tenth of our earnings first before we give Uncle Sam or AT&T what they are owed. To many people this is a situtation thing. If the bank is full so is the offering plate but if the bank is almost to the red line the plate is passed. I actually understand the reasoning in it. I really do. It's scary to give when you don't know if the check you have written will clear or not. Or worse you may have to go home and eat the Sunday lunch and not to some resturant. If we are honest giving may not be the issue but the "first" part is sorta tricky. You will give if there is any left over after all else is paid.
     I was fortunate to marry a man who is a firm believer in tithing no matter what the bank statement says. There have been times when I see him carrying that pink enevelope to the car and I freak a little bit because I have just seen our account balance. But he is faithful in his tithing. Our tithing. We see it as a form of worshipping our Lord. The God who paid our debt on the cross. 
     I just began a study in Malachi and I found something that is really near and dear to our story.
                     
                       “Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me!”
                           You ask: “How do we rob You?”
                   “By not making the payments of the tenth and the contributions.  
                 You are suffering under a curse, yet you—the whole nation—are still robbing Me. 
             Bring the full tenth into the storehouse so that there may be food in My house.
             Test Me in this way,” says the Lord of Hosts. “See if I will not open the floodgates
           of  heaven and pour out a blessing for you without measure.   I will rebuke the devourer  
            for you,  so that it will not ruin the produce of your land and your vine in your field will not
             fail to produce fruit,” says the Lord of Hosts. “Then all the nations will consider you
                fortunate, for you will be a delightful land,” says the Lord of Hosts.-Malachi 3:8-12

Many times when Bobby and I have been struggling to see ends meet God has opened the floodgates. I cannot believe the blessings we have been given for a small faith task of tithing. I think about how differently the world would see the church if ever believer began to tithe like they should. The verses said "the nations will see you as fortunate..." What if in this uncertain economy churches were being built and built onto without a loan from the bank. Or able to do "impossible" tasks that had a seemingly high cost becasue we were using the blessing God gave us. I want that for my church. I want Bloom Baptist to be considered fortunate. I was us to reach people because of out faithfullness to worship and obey God!

this is just the image i get when i think of God opening floodgates...it's from Ducktales!

Do I know you?

Ear piercing screams is what I experienced as took Paxton from his mom so she could leave for work! Not the welcome back I was looking for but he is only one. Yesterday was the first day back with my two sweet boys! It has only been leas that two months but it feels like forever since we have spent a full (normal) day together. I was expecting a little resistance when I came back. They are both young and have had a wonderful summer with their parents! What I was not expecting was having to rip him from his mom! Heartbreaking!!! Thankfully it only took 5 minutes for him to settle down and love me again:) (thanks to our red furry pal melmo (Elmo)

This interesting reunion got me thinking about my spiritual walk with Christ. I am not going to lie and say that I have never had a 2 month "hide away" from God. I like to take matters into my own hands for a while, because I am totally more awesome than a guy who conquered death, and crawl back after I am messed everything up entirely. But when I do desire for a reunion with Christ His welcome is very different than they one Paxton gave. He embraces & welcomes me home. I am getting better about leaving the reigns in God'd hand but I still have so much so learn. And just like I adore hearing the boys call my name I know He loves hearing me call on Him.

power &vbs

I heart VBS! I so do! I have been attending/ working VBS my whole life. I love that kids can  have a chance to come a whole week, play games, meet friends, load up on sugar & most important learn about Jesus. It's such a special time for kids. Its not church like they are use to and their little hearts are open for what God has for them. I just love it! This year was a very special year because I switch from teaching music to leading the 1st graders to each class. I got to know the kids from our church better and meet so many new funny kids.

I loved the lessons we learned too! I love how God's word, even when it it simplified for small ears, can touch our heart no matter the age. We learned about God's amazing wonders & awesome power!! His power over nature, circumstances,sin, death and life. I was so proud of all our teachers and workers. Their hearts were into telling these students about God and it showed in the way they taught.

Unfortunatley Friday VBS was cancelled due to a storm knocking out the power at the church. Funny that "power" was the cause of us not having it since we had been talking about God's awesome power all week. One little boy who came to the church only to be told it was cancelled was so devasted. He
reminded us that God has awesome power over nature and circumstances! It was awesome to see such a little one putting God's truth in his heart. Sadly the law doesn't allow us to hold church with no power! But God is still powerful. His wonders are amazing and is power is awesome!!

Here are some wonderful photos from the week. Most of them are from Nailed Free Media (by Kaitie Blades)http://nailedfree.org and the not so pretty ones are from my phone!!

music for all!

this is Alex, one of our youth who lead 1st grade with me :)
i was so proud of the youth who worked vbs. They are great!

flying to bible study!!

these four cuties accpeted Jesus into their hearts on Wednesday
I was overwhelmed with their excitement!

i love Lauren's face!! this was the trust fall!!

weirdos

Haiti...finally (it's a doozy)

Finally I am able to sit down and write about the our trip to Haiti. It's not a blog i wanted to just gloss over...sorry for the delay.

It's been about two weeks that we have been home and i will honestly admit that Satan has been on me like flies on honey. I am not really sure why I am such a target but I take it as a compliment that Satan would be worried that God is moving in my life. I am so blessed to have a terrific husband to calls me out and rebukes me when I am being a total hot mess. God is doing really awesome things in Haiti and what a blessing it was to be a small part of that.

We were there from Friday to Friday so we were able to experience a full week of what life is like in Haiti. We worked on the house sites Saturday then Monday - Wednesday with a dedication of the homes on Thursday. The work was hard but not to overshadow the rough terrain. All of Haiti is rough terrain it seems. We had a large enough team to build two homes and we were split in half. Obviously I can only cover our work site since I wasn't on the other team but we all worked hard. Each site had their downsides. Site one (my site) was shady and cool but had a tiny hog path that was rocky and steep. We had to carry all our supplies (block, sand and 94lb bags of mortar) down this path. Site two had no shade at all...direct sun all day but their supplies were able to be unloaded right to the house.
We were working with a Haitian mason team. Our team we all believers and sometimes would sing a hymn while working. Mostly they just laughed at us and cracked jokes on each other. Even though we couldn't understand what they were saying we knew when we were being talked about. It was all in fun though. The general mood of our site was cheerful and light hearted. Something I learned right off the truck was that Haitians work hard. This was affirmed when we met the family we were building for. The grandmother helped carry supplies as well did the children. They carry mostly everything on their heads!! Truly a skill you learn young. Sometimes the grandmother would disappear down the mountain with a bucket and return a long time after with it filled with water. Really makes me think twice every time i turn my faucet on. The ladies cooked all day it seemed. The result was a heaping pile of rice and veggies with what appeared to be a tomato sauce on top. It smelled delicious and i didn't hear any complaints from the mason team who the family feed every day.

the site when we arrived

a little bot carry block...sometimes two at a time

that's a bucket of sand on her head & its so heavy

Sweeping out all the broken block from the house. What a broom!

Sunday we went to church just a short ride off the mission. This was one of my favorite things about the trip. I found myself getting choked up several times during worship. It was so beautiful to be part of their worship and knowing that even though I didn't know what they were saying God did. I think we so often forget that God is being praised in other languages. But the awesome thing is that its the same God. It was beautiful. Haitian really sing too. Their voices were raised like they we literally trying to be heard in Heaven. I loved it!! We actually heard people singing all week long because the church at the mission was right beside where we were staying and they were having revival all week. It was a great way to wake up! After church on Sunday we went on a hike down to a waterfall. (and i mean down...literally down a mountain) It was very tough and I had the most difficult time breathing (not a good time to be without an inhaler) but i would do it again. God taught me a lot walking back up that mountain. It was also a great marriage builder because Bobby was my breathing coach. I am fairly certain he is way i am still alive. I was ready to just live on the side of that mountain.

this is at the top...we went all the way down and in between the two mountains

We had the ability to go to the market on Tuesday. I could talk forever about it but it wasn't my cup of tea. It felt like chaos to me. Cars zooming by while i stood on the side of the road trying to haggle in a foreign language with a currency i knew next to nothing about, a pig screaming because it being stuffed into a brush guard of a truck...people and more people. It was nuts. People come from miles up the mountain to sale their produce and animals though. A concept we know little of. We have ebay and craigslist. I was humbled and terrified all at the same time. I will never complain about the one lane that's open at walmart again.

Perhaps my favorite part of Haiti (other than church) is the people. I fell in love with them immediately. I can't put my finger on why i felt an overwhelming sense of love for them. Most of the people we worked with were believers. Maybe it was a sense of being around my "family'. I don't really know what it was but my heart was broken when i sad goodbyes. The kids on our work site were curious and stinkers. Especially a sweet & rotten to the core girl named Fafa. We feel in love with the kids sweet faces on day one and i sure they will be occupying frames in many of our homes. The sweetheart of our site who stole every ones heart was Fabita. Her bubblegum pink tongue was always out and her smile made my heart smile.

Fabita

Alex who we had to make sure didn't end up in Megan's luggage

I will end with the most exciting part even though there is a book full of photos and stories to tell. Baptist Haiti Mission has a child sponsorship program unlike any other. Not only does all the money go to the children but you also have the chance to meet them. Your money goes to provide an education and all the books, a hot high protein lunch, their school uniform (which is precious) and medical care. Bobby and I felt called to sponsor a child and I will just tell you now I am nuts about out little buddy. His name is Fredo (pronounced something like Fra-do) he is 3 years old and live in Calabasse. We meet him on a Wednesday morning at his school. He was ill that day but his aunt brought him in to meet us. I felt so bad to make him leave the comfort of home while being sick. Not only was he shy because of meeting strange white people who wanted to snuggle him to pieces but he wasn't feeling well. To top the cake it was recess and the entire school was outside staring at us with him. But seeing his sweet face in person made all the difference in my heart. The info we read said to think of him as part of our family and we do. I think about him all the time. Pray he stays healthy, that he learns with easy, that he makes new friends, that he has enough to eat and clothes to wear. But most importantly we pray that he comes to know Jesus and that he because a great man of God. Now that we have met him we have to return to Haiti....we just have to!

If you would like to help a child go to school and have medical care check out the link below. Every single penny goes to the child. http://www.bhm.org/ministries/child-sponsorship/

Sorry this was such a lengthy blog. There was just no way to write a short one. Thank you to all those wonderful people who prayed for us and supported us financially to go. Without you this trip wouldn't have happened. You were every bit a part of what happened in Haiti...you helped every block be laid and every life be changed. Thank you from the bottom of out hearts. Bobby and I were truly blown away about the love and support of friends and family. God is so very good!

His protection is sweet

Yesterday was an eventful day. I started my summer internship at church to help with youth and children. I am so excited to be working alongside Erin and to hang out with the awesome youth we have at bloom. A lot of the day consisted of finding where stuff is and how to work this enormous new printer/ copier we bought while we were in Haiti. The morning was great and u left feeling hopeful for a great summer!

I arrived home to an empty house because no matter what job I have Bobby and mines schedule just never match up. I was a little excited to sit around and frankly be lazy without my husband seeing it. Soon after getting home I get a call from my mom that stopped my heart. My brother had been in a car accident!!! Anyone who knows my brother and I know that we are close ( sometimes creepy close) A million image flash through my mind of life without my brother or seeing him severely injured. Thankfully the only think injured was his car which was wrapped around a tree. I am just like my mother and had to see my brother with my own eyes to know he was okay and after wrapping my arms around my baby brother I realized it wasn't just luck that allowed me to still have him.

The book of job speaks of a hedge of protection. When my brother and i were born my father began praying that God would place a hedge of protection over us. My family felt God's hedge of protection yesterday! How sweet that protection is! Today Bobby and I woke up praising the Lord for His mighty protection over my brother. Today when he and Christy came over I was so grateful for the blessing of their fellowship

Haiti trip ....chaos

I am currently sitting in Miami airport waiting for our flight to Haiti even though 3 hours ago I thought this moment would never come. Even though you plan and plan there are always ALWAYS things that go wrong.

We are responsible for bring our food for two meals each day. Gratefully my grandparents church donated all the food for us. We had that loaded in two army trunks Bobby brought home from Iraq. No big deal...easy peasy. Wrong, apparently you cannot take this trunks. Somewhere along our journey some airport personal would make us leave them behind leaving us with empty bellies. So we do a mad dash of shoving peanut butter and chips into check bag trying to also keep them less than 50lb. Super fun! God was with us and we were able to save most of it.

As we got all out bags in check and all of us checked in we only have had a small window of time to get through security and to our gate. The airport was crowded! Everyone got through other than megan and myself because we were criminal and had too many liquids so we had a little talk with the nice fellow in security, threw away things carelessly hoping others will share. Our gate was clear at the end (of course) and we had zero minutes to get there. Meg and I ran and ran and weren't the last people on the tiny plane.

It's so apparent that Satan is working hard to get us not to go to Haiti. Which to me means God is going to do something amazing! But satan has no authority here. Jesus will prevail!

Please pray for us as we fly to Haiti in about 2 hours. Pray for a smooth customs experience and save driving once we land. Pray for Satan to just shut up and for God to speak loud!!
Hopefully i will have a chance to update while we are there but I am not banking on that. Pray pray pray!! Nothing happens without prayer!

Divine appointments

It always amazing me how God works His wonders when I least expect it. In the weeks leading up to Haiti I have felt Satan on my back trying to derail me...and he has honestly.

To make matters a little more interesting and a dash more stressful i have been feeling a bit under the weather. There is this evil little virus running around and somehow it found me. So this morning after a fitful nights sleep I decide to go to a minute clinic to be sure it's nothing serious. I was expecting the same battery of questions and a nice but not friendly nurse but what I found was my soul refreshed. I met Emily, a young CPN who love the Lord and has served Him in many overseas mission trips. Not only did she give me extremely helpful medical advice that my doctors failed to give she also gave me spiritual encouragement I so desperately needed. There is no doubt in my mind that God was behind such a divine meeting. I left feeling not the least bit healthier physically but on top of the world spiritually. I am so thankful for Emily who loves the Lord and prayed for a complete coughing stranger. She has no idea what God just did through her.

Planning my purpose away

We are exactly 30 days away from our Haiti trip and there still feels like there are a million and one things left to do. I don't think you ever leave for a long trip feeling 100% prepared. But I would rather leave my deodorant behind than go to Haiti spiritual unprepared.
My mind gets so focused on making sure everyone knows what they need to do, that we know our goals, that money comes in and blah blah blah that I forget to focus on what God has laid down before me. I think many people going on an overseas mission trip feel like they are bringing God to people who have never heard but it's rare that this is true. I think it's easy to get this mindset because we are going to experience so many unfamiliar things. It's hard to think outside of our daily box. But God is already in Haiti He doesn't need me to go for His gospel to be shared. However He laid down a path for me to go and be a part of the growth of His Kingdom. That's what I want to be prepared for. I want me and our team to be spiritually prepared for what God has in store for us. I don't want to come home and realize that I missed God moving because I was so wrapped up in details.

Please join me in praying for our spiritual preparedness! That we are willing to be used by Him in any form it presence itself!

healing hurts

A few weeks ago I put something in the oven and being absent from my right mind placed my pointer finger somewhere on the preheated oven. The end result was a small but painful second degree burn. The initial burning process hurt like crazy but the following healing hurt just the same. Now all that is left is a black spot on my finger as a reminder to me to use more caution when playing with heated object.

The other day the black spot caught my eye and I was instantly reminded of the painful process of the healing of my heart. Why do we (or at least me) try to hold on to the pain we have? God wants us to come to Him with our pain. Yet for me I make my pain greater than God. As if He couldn't handle it. A lot of the causes for my pain i just cannot find the love of Christ in them. How could this be good for me or anyone? But if I have learned anything about the love of God I know that sometimes to heal us, He has to hurt us. Because of our sin. . . .pain is just part of the process now.