it wasn't a suggestion

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about the families, the community and the brokenness that is happening in Orlando this morning. About mothers and fathers who lost their child, about a community who is shaken and scared and about a country who is so far gone that we use a tragedy for political arguments. I didn't even hear about the shooting until 5 pm yesterday evening. I had checked all my social media  earlier that day and NO ONE was talking about it. In fact I heard more about a gorilla being shot at a zoo than I did about 50 people being murdered and 53 more injured. This seriously can't be the world we are living in? We can't seriously care more about animals than we do people.

The verse I keep seeing tied to this event is Romans 12:15 "weep with those who weep". In my Bible it falls under a category titled "christian ethics". To my knowledge that means it falls under the behaviors we Christians should be doing. When it says "weep with those who weep" it WASN'T A SUGGESTION. It didn't say weep with those who are like you, believe what you do, and believe in Jesus. It just simply said weep. I know it happened to the LGBT community and the church usually does an awkward moon walk out of the conversation. But this is a topic not up for debate. People were killed, its heart breaking, so mourn. Jesus ran to the brokenhearted. I want to look like Jesus in this.

It took less than 12 hours after the shooting for people to mention gun laws and ISIS. I understand that people are wanting answers. We are all just trying to make senses of what happened. But it doesn't make any sense. I feel like we forgot to mourn and jumped straight to political argument. The things that I have read are political parties calling out other political parties on what they said after the fact. But I feel like we are forgetting the lives taken and the lives forever scarred by this event. Let's not let our anger overshadow others' grief.

choose your own adventure

We want children. In fact we would love to find out that right now as I write this that I am pregnant. But as many pregnancy test and two failed fertility rounds have told us...I am not pregnant. I really never thought we would be here. Praying that the third time is a charm as my exhausted and confused body takes more hormones in than ever before. Most days this is just part of our life. After two years of trying to get pregnant we are use to the negative pregnancy tests. But the last three months of fertility treatments have really stirred up fear and sorrow in my heart. Like I said most days are good. But there are days when sorrow comes rushing in and if I am not careful it will swallow me up whole before I even know what hits me.

This is where I get to make a choice. I can choose to just wallow in the disappointment and let myself be bitter and sad. Honestly it would be easier some days. Or I can choose to cling to the promises the Lord has spoken.

There is a verse in Daniel 3 that has become our theme verse during this time of struggle. It says "and if not HE is still good." Now in this case this was spoken by three men who faces a fiery furnace and ultimately death. But they knew that God could save them from their death even while they walked through the fire. But if God didn't come....if He chose not to rescue them from death...HE is still good. B and I have this sign hanging in our living room.

The promise I am choosing to cling to comes from Isaiah 43 and ties beautifully with the verse in Daniel. It says " Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name ; you are Mine. I am with you when you pass through the waters, and through the rivers; they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, the flame will not burn you." That promise isn't that it will be okay and we won't struggle. It's that while we are struggling right in the middle of the hardest thing for us this far....HE IS WITH US! I know from experience that when God is with you adventure follows.

So maybe our adventure is that we adopt beautiful kids from hard places. Or maybe we get to walk a journey with a brave birth mom, or maybe God heals my body and we conceive a child of our own. But if not HE is still good & HE is with us!