it wasn't a suggestion

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about the families, the community and the brokenness that is happening in Orlando this morning. About mothers and fathers who lost their child, about a community who is shaken and scared and about a country who is so far gone that we use a tragedy for political arguments. I didn't even hear about the shooting until 5 pm yesterday evening. I had checked all my social media  earlier that day and NO ONE was talking about it. In fact I heard more about a gorilla being shot at a zoo than I did about 50 people being murdered and 53 more injured. This seriously can't be the world we are living in? We can't seriously care more about animals than we do people.

The verse I keep seeing tied to this event is Romans 12:15 "weep with those who weep". In my Bible it falls under a category titled "christian ethics". To my knowledge that means it falls under the behaviors we Christians should be doing. When it says "weep with those who weep" it WASN'T A SUGGESTION. It didn't say weep with those who are like you, believe what you do, and believe in Jesus. It just simply said weep. I know it happened to the LGBT community and the church usually does an awkward moon walk out of the conversation. But this is a topic not up for debate. People were killed, its heart breaking, so mourn. Jesus ran to the brokenhearted. I want to look like Jesus in this.

It took less than 12 hours after the shooting for people to mention gun laws and ISIS. I understand that people are wanting answers. We are all just trying to make senses of what happened. But it doesn't make any sense. I feel like we forgot to mourn and jumped straight to political argument. The things that I have read are political parties calling out other political parties on what they said after the fact. But I feel like we are forgetting the lives taken and the lives forever scarred by this event. Let's not let our anger overshadow others' grief.

choose your own adventure

We want children. In fact we would love to find out that right now as I write this that I am pregnant. But as many pregnancy test and two failed fertility rounds have told us...I am not pregnant. I really never thought we would be here. Praying that the third time is a charm as my exhausted and confused body takes more hormones in than ever before. Most days this is just part of our life. After two years of trying to get pregnant we are use to the negative pregnancy tests. But the last three months of fertility treatments have really stirred up fear and sorrow in my heart. Like I said most days are good. But there are days when sorrow comes rushing in and if I am not careful it will swallow me up whole before I even know what hits me.

This is where I get to make a choice. I can choose to just wallow in the disappointment and let myself be bitter and sad. Honestly it would be easier some days. Or I can choose to cling to the promises the Lord has spoken.

There is a verse in Daniel 3 that has become our theme verse during this time of struggle. It says "and if not HE is still good." Now in this case this was spoken by three men who faces a fiery furnace and ultimately death. But they knew that God could save them from their death even while they walked through the fire. But if God didn't come....if He chose not to rescue them from death...HE is still good. B and I have this sign hanging in our living room.

The promise I am choosing to cling to comes from Isaiah 43 and ties beautifully with the verse in Daniel. It says " Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name ; you are Mine. I am with you when you pass through the waters, and through the rivers; they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, the flame will not burn you." That promise isn't that it will be okay and we won't struggle. It's that while we are struggling right in the middle of the hardest thing for us this far....HE IS WITH US! I know from experience that when God is with you adventure follows.

So maybe our adventure is that we adopt beautiful kids from hard places. Or maybe we get to walk a journey with a brave birth mom, or maybe God heals my body and we conceive a child of our own. But if not HE is still good & HE is with us!

faithful family tree

So far 2013 has been a great for Bobby and I. It has been hard getting use to spending less time together and getting back into our work routines. We were so spoiled by Christmas break! At church we are calling this year the year of the bible. Obviously we study the bible all the time but this year we are saturating not only our time at church with it but our daily lives and most importantly our hearts! It's funny ...not it's sad how you can be in church your whole life, read scripture, and belief in God but totally miss Him.

That's where I find myself. I have lived my entire Christian live missing Him...the real Him. The God of the bible, not the children story version or the typical church answer. I am so ashamed of these simple truths that I have recited time and time again but never really knew what I was saying. Or never really realized what I was saying. I have been a lazy, fruitless and rotten child of the Living God....and I am so done with me!!

The past 18 days have been a wake up call and I feel like an entirely different person. My goal was to be more "put together"(whatever that means) this year. honestly I just wanted to stop wearing yoga pants so often and do something more grown up with my hair (and lose a million pounds) But as I began to read the Word of God....to see Jesus as He loved on people, embraced the words He spoke...my heart felt His grace cover me. Yes, I have been on Christian auto pilot but God has something great for me! Hes love me, He is always with me, and He has greater plans for my life. This is the journey I am on. I am learning to let go of this "plans" for my life (house, twins, pinterest perfect mom & wife) and listen as God speaks to me through my circumstances and interruptions.

So today as I spend some time reading the Word I see a binder that I'm not sure why is on the bookshelf. So of course I have to see what it is or my brain will not let me think. As I pull it off the shelf I instantly know what it is... my family history. A few years back my grandma (GM) made all her sons a family history book. I got a copy when I got married and I think it has to be one of my favorite gifts (other than my grand mamma's silverware) It's always good to know where you came from...who you came from.

 It's not secret I love my family. I am so blessed with amazing parents and a super awesome baby brother. But they were also blessed with awesome parents, who were blessed with awesome parents. As I read through the pages for the millionth time God laid His hand of comfort on me to show me that He has greater plans for my life just like He had greater plans for my family long before I entered the scene. I come from a long line of people that God used in great ways. I am very proud to be identified as their great granddaughter, grand daughter and daughter from people who recognize my name...well maiden name now.  People who made several trips in a truck to pick people up for church, who taught adult Sunday school as a youth because they could read when the others couldn't, who took part in starting and building a church, who moved their family from family up north to start a church in a small Ohio town. People who invested and loved on people of the town. Who worked long hours at work then went to the building site of the church they started....who retired yet still preach. People who moved their family from that town to a new church, new town , new schools, to chase after God. That's my family! I think the binder caught my eye as a way of God showing me where I came from and showing me that He can do greater things in my life too!

Two of these men are my great-grand daddies breaking ground on
Sharon Baptist In Smyrna, GA

My Poppy & GM with Marty & my dad in Ironton
where they helped start  Sharon Baptist of Ironton OH

my amazing parents :)

My dad at a deacon ordination at Bloom

Bobby & I in Haiti meeting Fredo our sponsor child.
God, Do something greater in our lives!!

trouble with my song

  "Your decrees are the theme of my song during earthly life." Psalm 119:54

We all have a song we sing. I once heard a sermon on how we sing daily to God, not literally but in our actions and the attitudes of our hearts. I for one love to sing, even when I don't know the words. I sang in Haiti when I had no clue what the words were or how to say them. I would love to say my song has a praise theme. That I am daily pleasing to the Lord with my song. But a lot of times my song is filled with rambling of earthly woes and complaints of people He has yet to smite for me. Most days my song is a lot like this....I apologize for my singing.

           (He really does like to sing. His usual part is singing "mine" and "shine" and being cute!)
Today as I wrestled with little boys to eat their veggies, wash their hands, and climbing on the table I really wanted to sing a "woe is me" song. Surely the God who made the sea stop at land could make a one year old stop using his fork as a catapult for his peas. But then instead He stopped me and reminded me of all He has done. He did tell the sea to stop at the land and it listened. His Son's death on the cross did satisfy His wrath against my sins. Thats when I chose a new song to sing. A song of praise and awe of the God who loves me even when I forget the lyrics to His praise song. What song do you sing each day? Is it a song out of key and out of touch with the God you are singing it to? Or are the lyrics the cry of your overflowing heart?

"Jesus worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us,Son of God and man
You are high and lifted up; and the world will praise Your Great Name"

 "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will
  see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." -Psalm 40:3

[9.11.2001]

It's hard to imagine as an 8th grader how the horrors I was watching on tv was going to change my life. It was the first act of evil I had experienced. Being so young, I could not wrap my mind around how this act that put so many other plans into play...
I was in 2nd period when the first plane hit. My teacher turned on the news and we watched with great concern for what was happening. As I settled into 3rd period I watched in terror as I saw the plane collide with the second tower. Screams and gasps filled the halls of my junior high and I watched as they adults faces took on a mask of terror.
Then the first tower fell....then the second, filling the air with dust and copy paper. I remember seeing men in suits covered in white dust running and weeping. I remember being so confused.
At home we watched the news. I remember hearing President Bush address the nation. Hearing grief in his voice and seeing stress in his eyes. Goosebumps covered my entire body as I realized something even bigger would follow.
While I was an 8th grader confused and covered in goosebumps, a fresh out of boot camp senior was realizing his decision to join the Army has taken on a new look. He heard the news while eating lunch. That senior was my husband. That day changed his army experience from drills and light duty to life in combat and a year in Iraq. That day changed the direction his life took, the career he would choose, and his relationship with Christ. In turn it molded him into the man i'm in love with today.
It's hard to believe it's been 11 years. With so many questions unanswered about why, God is the same yesterday , today and forever. In him we find our peace and lose our fear!

bank balance blessings

    If you don't know Bobby and I very well let me just tell you now we are far from being considered weathly. We do not have all we want but we have what we need in surplus and then some. We are also believers in doing what you love and not doing something for the money. We stay a lot happier that way. In our short time being married we have had times when the money was just not coming in like it we had hoped. We have had times where we had to skip on some things to make sure bills were being paid. This is in no way a complaint. I think it is these times that builds our relationship with each other and God. We actually haven't suffered from not eating at Wendys a couple of times and cooking instead, or not going to see a movie. Crazy right? It was in those times when God revealed Himself to us the most. When He not only provided but showed off a little in the process.
     I was taught at a young age about tithing. How we are to give God a tenth of our earnings first before we give Uncle Sam or AT&T what they are owed. To many people this is a situtation thing. If the bank is full so is the offering plate but if the bank is almost to the red line the plate is passed. I actually understand the reasoning in it. I really do. It's scary to give when you don't know if the check you have written will clear or not. Or worse you may have to go home and eat the Sunday lunch and not to some resturant. If we are honest giving may not be the issue but the "first" part is sorta tricky. You will give if there is any left over after all else is paid.
     I was fortunate to marry a man who is a firm believer in tithing no matter what the bank statement says. There have been times when I see him carrying that pink enevelope to the car and I freak a little bit because I have just seen our account balance. But he is faithful in his tithing. Our tithing. We see it as a form of worshipping our Lord. The God who paid our debt on the cross. 
     I just began a study in Malachi and I found something that is really near and dear to our story.
                     
                       “Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me!”
                           You ask: “How do we rob You?”
                   “By not making the payments of the tenth and the contributions.  
                 You are suffering under a curse, yet you—the whole nation—are still robbing Me. 
             Bring the full tenth into the storehouse so that there may be food in My house.
             Test Me in this way,” says the Lord of Hosts. “See if I will not open the floodgates
           of  heaven and pour out a blessing for you without measure.   I will rebuke the devourer  
            for you,  so that it will not ruin the produce of your land and your vine in your field will not
             fail to produce fruit,” says the Lord of Hosts. “Then all the nations will consider you
                fortunate, for you will be a delightful land,” says the Lord of Hosts.-Malachi 3:8-12

Many times when Bobby and I have been struggling to see ends meet God has opened the floodgates. I cannot believe the blessings we have been given for a small faith task of tithing. I think about how differently the world would see the church if ever believer began to tithe like they should. The verses said "the nations will see you as fortunate..." What if in this uncertain economy churches were being built and built onto without a loan from the bank. Or able to do "impossible" tasks that had a seemingly high cost becasue we were using the blessing God gave us. I want that for my church. I want Bloom Baptist to be considered fortunate. I was us to reach people because of out faithfullness to worship and obey God!

this is just the image i get when i think of God opening floodgates...it's from Ducktales!

Do I know you?

Ear piercing screams is what I experienced as took Paxton from his mom so she could leave for work! Not the welcome back I was looking for but he is only one. Yesterday was the first day back with my two sweet boys! It has only been leas that two months but it feels like forever since we have spent a full (normal) day together. I was expecting a little resistance when I came back. They are both young and have had a wonderful summer with their parents! What I was not expecting was having to rip him from his mom! Heartbreaking!!! Thankfully it only took 5 minutes for him to settle down and love me again:) (thanks to our red furry pal melmo (Elmo)

This interesting reunion got me thinking about my spiritual walk with Christ. I am not going to lie and say that I have never had a 2 month "hide away" from God. I like to take matters into my own hands for a while, because I am totally more awesome than a guy who conquered death, and crawl back after I am messed everything up entirely. But when I do desire for a reunion with Christ His welcome is very different than they one Paxton gave. He embraces & welcomes me home. I am getting better about leaving the reigns in God'd hand but I still have so much so learn. And just like I adore hearing the boys call my name I know He loves hearing me call on Him.