choose your own adventure

We want children. In fact we would love to find out that right now as I write this that I am pregnant. But as many pregnancy test and two failed fertility rounds have told us...I am not pregnant. I really never thought we would be here. Praying that the third time is a charm as my exhausted and confused body takes more hormones in than ever before. Most days this is just part of our life. After two years of trying to get pregnant we are use to the negative pregnancy tests. But the last three months of fertility treatments have really stirred up fear and sorrow in my heart. Like I said most days are good. But there are days when sorrow comes rushing in and if I am not careful it will swallow me up whole before I even know what hits me.

This is where I get to make a choice. I can choose to just wallow in the disappointment and let myself be bitter and sad. Honestly it would be easier some days. Or I can choose to cling to the promises the Lord has spoken.

There is a verse in Daniel 3 that has become our theme verse during this time of struggle. It says "and if not HE is still good." Now in this case this was spoken by three men who faces a fiery furnace and ultimately death. But they knew that God could save them from their death even while they walked through the fire. But if God didn't come....if He chose not to rescue them from death...HE is still good. B and I have this sign hanging in our living room.

The promise I am choosing to cling to comes from Isaiah 43 and ties beautifully with the verse in Daniel. It says " Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name ; you are Mine. I am with you when you pass through the waters, and through the rivers; they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, the flame will not burn you." That promise isn't that it will be okay and we won't struggle. It's that while we are struggling right in the middle of the hardest thing for us this far....HE IS WITH US! I know from experience that when God is with you adventure follows.

So maybe our adventure is that we adopt beautiful kids from hard places. Or maybe we get to walk a journey with a brave birth mom, or maybe God heals my body and we conceive a child of our own. But if not HE is still good & HE is with us!